The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Girls should come with a carfax report
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
