Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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