at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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