I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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