i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
