one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
