I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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