i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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