Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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