mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
