My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
