No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
