im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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