i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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