Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
