she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize