Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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