THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
