those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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