So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize