I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize