my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
