I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
