lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
