Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
