I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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