i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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