you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
