**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I am morally bankrupt
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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