he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
