SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
