You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
