I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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