Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
