i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
