im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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