You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
