I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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