all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
