The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
