You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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