I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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