i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
