At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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