the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
