Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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