I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
