Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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