Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
should my penis look like a turkey
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
