i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
