What did we do last night that was yellow?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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