I want to stick my p in your. b.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize