You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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