As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
