If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
