He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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