Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize