I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
