it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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