I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
