Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
