yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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