Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
