He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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