i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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